Why You Should Be Talking About Sex With Your Friends
Featured article submitted by: Sarah Bird
A few years ago, my friends and I thought it would be a grand idea to host a “sex brunch.” I know it sounds weird, but keep reading. There was so much we wanted to talk about, but we never had enough time or the place to really do it. So we scheduled for a Sunday morning, picked someone’s apartment, and figured out what everyone was bringing or cooking. It ended up being such a success that we’ve hosted multiple “sex brunches” since then, and it’s even more fun every single time. It’s pushed us all to talk about sex more with each other, and we’ve grown closer as friends. Aside from our friendship, my personal relationship with my body and how I view sex have become so much more positive. Sex is weird, but embracing that weirdness can totally change your relationship with it.
Thinking about hosting your own sex brunch (recommend!!) or just thinking about bringing up in a conversation with your girlfriends for the first time? Here’s why you need to do it ASAP.
Unpack all those myths you’re always told
As women, we’re told so many lies about sex. Women who have too much sex are bad; waiting until marriage is bad; masturbation is gross. 2018 update: you can do whatever you want with your body. Being able to dish this out with your girls is so freeing and a great way to spread some sex positivity. We were made to be sexual beings, so don’t be afraid to showcase it.
Allow yourself to be vulnerable
Talking about sex is SCARY! It’s weird and awkward, especially if you’ve never done it before. However, once you get in the habit of sharing more about this personal side of you (that’s totally normal!), you start to feel less worried about it. Allowing yourself to be vulnerable in a situation can take time, but it is so necessary for growth. It’s important to remind yourself that what you’re experiencing is normal or not normal.
Become closer to your friends
Odds are, you’ll find out you have a lot more in common with your friends than you thought. Maybe you both dislike something or maybe you’ve had a similar experience with a partner. Everyone’s knows the best way to make a friend is to have the same pet peeves, so you’re bound to use that one thing to bond even more. It also pushes you to learn more about them. Once you understand what someone has been through or what they’re going through, it’s easier to support them. Validating a friend, especially in such a seemingly uncomfortable situation, can go such a long way in making them feel relaxed and appreciated.
Learn a thing or two
I’ve learned SO much from my friends, and I’m sure I’ve given them a few things or two to think about as well. Learning more about things like STIs, birth control, fertility, and just overall sexual wellness is imperative if you’re sexually active. Sexual well-being is nothing to take lightly, and your friends can be a wonderful resource. Maybe they’ve had a similar experience or they know the perfect OB/GYN for you, they’ll always be there to support you with whatever you might be struggling with.
Identifies when something isn’t right
You know when you’re in a relationship and everything seems peachy keen but once you start telling your friends you realize it is so not? Talking about sex can occasionally have the same effect. Whether your partner doesn’t make sure you’re having fun, too, or there’s something wrong physically, your girls can usually point you in the right direction, whether that’s your OB/GYN’s office or a talk with your partner.
Understand yourself better sexually
Talking about sex out loud has really shown me what I like and want out of sex both with and without my partner. I’ve learned what I like and dislike, and I’m open to trying (some) new things. There’s something about saying it out loud that really tells me if I’m cool with it or not. I’ve also learned a lot about my relationship with my body when it comes to sex. Having body image issues for most of my life, sex can be challenging and can tend to weigh on myself and my partners. However, I never really understood why until I started discussing it with other people. Your body is obviously a large part of sex, so being aware of what makes you feel confident or not-so-confident is amazingly helpful.
Creates a deeper bond with your partner
Being able to discuss your sex life with someone other than the person you’re having sex with is so much more valuable than you’d think. When you feel comfortable talking about sex with someone else, it inspires you to feel better discussing it with your partner. This goes along with a lot of the other points but giving yourself a space to feel vulnerable forges a path for your relationship to grow and develop without the stress of something weighing on it, like not telling your partner when something doesn’t feel right or isn’t your cup of tea. It’s easier to tell him or her how you feel once you’ve kind of let it out to someone else rather than word-vomiting it when you’re angry or upset.
I cannot even tell you how much I laugh whenever my friends and I get together to talk about sex. Sometimes, those organic, raw stories are exactly what you need. We’ll share stories and experiences and discuss how we’re feeling in regard to sex all over some pancakes and OJ, and it’s truly a magical experience.